dumb things

These are real things that people have said in "normal" conversations that I or friends of mine have been witness to.

 

Kristy: Han Solo probably was Amish.

 

Ben (my little brother): All my friends are pteradactyls.

 

Ben: It's been my lifelong dream to boogie from Moses Lake to Spokane.

 

Me: Snakes don't eat elephants!

Ben: Sure they do!

 

Me: Invisible geese, invisible towns.

 

Me: (groaning) Another construction zone.

Dad: Oh, good. Maybe there'll be loose gravel.

 

Me: All the world is yellow.

 

Ben: Look, Sara, there's another bulb!

 

Dad: Hey, guys, see how windy it is? Well they always say that Chicago's the "windy city."

Me: We're not in Chicago, we're in Wisconsin!

 

Me: Oh, look at the bun! It's bulbous!

 

Dad: I'm sure they didn't move the interstate.

 

Ben: I always have a pteradactyl on my head. On my forehead, primarily, so I can look at him. It's quite relaxing.

 

"Spiegel!"

"Bismarck!"

(Good answers to any question)

 

Ben: I've known some Ermindinas in my day!

 

Ben: There! "Nilbur." It's a name.

Me: "Nilbur" isn't a name!

Ben: Sure it is! I know a bunch of "Nilburs!"

 

Me: When was the last time you took a shower?

Ben: Recently.

 

Dad: How many towels are there?

Me: There are four towels.

Dad: Yeah, but how many?

Me: Four!

 

Me: I'm up! I'm just trying to sleep.

 

Ben: I'm as relaxed as a lemon!

(and then, later)

Ben: Hey, I thought that was a saying! I thought lemons were always relaxed.

 

Ben: He's cool. I like him. He likes cheese.

 

Our tourguide: "Freedom" is a 19 1/2 foot woman.

 

Ben: What would you do if I wanted to rob a bank?

Dad: Give you a good disguise.

 

 

---

New as of 9/29/97

 

Ben: I'll be a native from another place!

 

Ben: Hey, Sara. You know what "idiotic" means?

Me: Uh, "Ben."

Ben: What? (looking up)...It means "slow to comprehend."

 

Me: I always thought we didn't have enough apostophes.

 

Ms. C: You're smart---you're a senior.

Student: I'm a junior!

Ms. C: Well, see---You knew something I didn't.

 

Ms. C: 3a + 2b...or not 2b...

 

Rachel H: MONKEY!!! MonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeymonkeyMONKEY!!! (in French, of all places).

 

Mom: I got some peaches at the store.

Rachel B: Nude beaches?!! Where?!

approx. 5 minutes later...

Kristy: Bring your guitar over here.

Michal B: I'm not a retard!!!

 

Chris W: You have an incredible grasp of the extremely obvious.

 

Me: Is this your impersonation of a rock?

 

Adam Z: The Black Sea probably got up and moved away. He went to join the Pacific Ocean clan.

 

Olivia C: We're going into the hall? Oh, good. I love fieldtrips!

 

Me: "It was as thick as chickens..."? (misreading my science book's line: "It then thickens.")

 

Me: Now color the grass green.

Rachel H: No! I'm going to color it purple! It's symbolism!

Me: Symbolizing what?!!

Rachel H: PURPLE GRASS!!!

 

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These are new as of 1/17/97

 

Mme N: J-just calm down!

Croissant (Aran): But it's stuck in my pants!!!

 

Jamie L: I just don't like my chin today.

 

Aran: I'm impressing him with my shaky hand. Oooh, look at it. Quiver under the power of the shaky hand!

 

Kristy: When are we out of this class?

Erin: Me too!

 

Tori: Do you like Sublime?

Kristy: I don't like limes! OH! I mean...

 

Mrs. C: They're my favorite protist!

 

John N: I'm the first presentator tomorrow.

Tim: 'Presentator?' I think you mean 'presentor'.

John: I mean, tomorrow I'm the first one to presentate.

 

Amanda: Do you have any markers I could borrow?

Mme N: No, I am not in mood of markers today.

 

The opposite of pro is con, so the opposite of progress is...? Congress!

 

Kristy: '...death.' Hmm, good thing to end a sentence with, huh?

Me: Well, it ends everything else...

 

Me: If there was such thing as fashionably absent, I wouldn't be here.

 

Ben: Can I ask you some questions for a survey?

Me: Sure.

Ben: Just answer 'yes', 'no', or 'undecided.'

Me: Okay.

Ben: Do you like apples?

Me: Undecided.

 

A career video they made us watch in school: Bob, who is very experienced in the field of work...

 

Someone1(I don't remember, sorry): When you step into the water, you don't sink all the way to the bottom!

Someone2: I do!

Someone1: (blinks) Well, then you're obviously denser than water.

 

Me: A wheelwright makes wheels, right?

 

Sub: Your teacher will be gone for a while, she isn't feeling well.

Girl: Oh, we should send her a get-well card!

Other girl: More like a thank-you card.

 

Kristy: Do they serve Gilgamesh in the Bowl [Bull] of Heaven?

 

Rachel H: Our teacher won't let us actually read anything because she's afraid we'll form our own opinions that contradict hers.

 

Kristy: So then Justin came up and took her hand and said, "Sometimes your virtue is all you have, and when you lose that...what's worth living for?"

Tor: (walking quickly by) Lasagna.

 

Michaela: (during her french presentation) ...pantalons!

Ms. N: What?

Michaela: I kind of messed up, but I was trying to say "That's the last time I buy a plane ticket from a man wearing no pants!"

Ms. N: Well, yes, that's what I thought you said.

 

Rachel H: My mom says I'm creative.

 

Keira: (staring in awesome fear at the "Cheerleaders of the Future Convention" from her post in the Pep band) Good God. They'll all be cheerleaders some day.

 

I'm sure more are on the way!

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